If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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