Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pants are for mortals
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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