There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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