It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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