that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
