i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
