somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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