I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
