My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize