Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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