she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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