No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
