I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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