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He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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