epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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