k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
