the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
