Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
