Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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