It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
