I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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