Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
