I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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