Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
