My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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