I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
