I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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