You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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