I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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