the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media