oh god the rape fog is back!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen