Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?