Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.