oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.