At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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