Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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