Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
