you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize