i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
