I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
