I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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