mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We smell like vodka and hangover
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