I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
