I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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