How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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