Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
