Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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