Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
