Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
