Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
