Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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