see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
