All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
