My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
do nipples grow back?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
