I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
