I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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