Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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