oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
