Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
