Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
