the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
