he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
