yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
