is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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