whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
