Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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