so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
