The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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