You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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