we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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