he thought i was a dude.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
