my sisters under your porch take her home
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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