We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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